i wonder what loss looks like on people. does their smile change like mine did? or the way they laugh becomes quieter? do they take longer to cherish moments and less time trying to plan out everything. do they become more grounded? is it in the way they describe beauty and perceive a future? do they wake up in the morning with a deep longing for the past. a time to accompany their minds and empty hours vanishing away slowly. do they let nature take its course once again or do they fight with the wind and let the clouds blow over shadows in their dreams. do they collect moments more patiently trying to hold ont to it?. is it all collected in their memory?, do they forget the innumerable details. ?the way it was before and how it now lurkes on the edge of bitterness creeping in their veins ?do they understand poetry better and recognise all hues of pain? do all blacks now look like shades of grey? and all sunsets a countless of crimson heart beats.? does the pulse feel less like a second and more like an eternal universe birthing each passing moment.? does it seem more eternal to them ?do they believe in afterlife or do they still believe its all black?or perhaps they believe in ghosts,do they want to scream until the earth splits in two?until the stars come falling dow? until the sky shatters,until the volcanoes rumble with destruction?is it a strange little blue dust that settles in the space between their ribs and the tendons in the backs of their knees and just when they think theyve gotten used to it something reminds them of it and they feel like you can’t breathe?

i cant breathe